What I Wish I Knew About Mental Toughness Before I Was A SEAL

Mental toughness isn’t reserved for just athletes.

I remember one day during Hell Week of BUD/S (Navy SEAL Training) being in the pushup position, which wasn’t exactly abnormal. The reason I recall this particular day is because it was the first time I found escape from the moment, while in the moment.

This was probably Thursday of Hell Week, so at this point I had slept maybe two hours the entire week. What I remember is being yelled at by an instructor (go figure) and my buddy next to me saying something that was hysterical. Up until that point I had used short-term goals to make it through Hell Week by focusing on the next evolution, the next meal, the current evolution, or even just the current rep for whatever God-awful exercise we were doing.

This day was different because I noticed myself letting go. I let go of the fear of what’s gonna happen next? and instead just accepted where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with.

It was completely freeing. There was no attachment to an outcome, no expectation, no judgment about my performance or what the instructor might have thought. Just complete trust in myself, my boat crew, and the moment.

It was the beginning of mindfulness.

The Truth About Mental Toughness

If you had asked me 10 years ago how to build mental toughness, I would’ve said, “By doing. You gotta do hard things. You don’t have to like what you do; you just have to do it.”

And while there is truth to doing hard things to build self-confidence and self-esteem, the more important part—the harder part—to building mental toughness is through being.

Being mindful of how you are without trying to change it.

Being mindful of what you feel, without fighting them.

Being mindful of your thoughts and how they’re just thoughts, they don't define you.

Being is something you can practice daily as you don’t have to wait for some crazy event to arrive. Waiting, in this regard, is just another excuse to avoid the moment; to put off that which can be cultivated now.

This also means that the reliance on doing is a deterrent to avoiding the more challenging practice of being with yourself. Sitting with your fears, thoughts, emotions, worries, anything that’s unsettling or unpleasant are typically situations we seek to avoid. How do we do that? Through suppression, distraction, unacceptance, rumination.

That’s why being is a cornerstone to mental toughness. Being with discomfort rather than trying to do something about it (i.e. avoid it) is not for the faint of heart. It’s for warriors—because warfighters can’t handle it.

If you’ve never tried mindfulness meditation, I invite you to sit in stillness for just five minutes. That’s it. Five minutes. Direct your attention to the breath, focusing on the inhale and exhale. Try not to judge your thoughts, feelings, or performance. Simply notice them like you’re watching cars pass by and you’re on the side of the road.

You’ll probably find that it is much, much harder to sit there, in stillness, and accept things (i.e., thoughts, emotions) as they are without judgment and without trying to change them.

Being is the essence of mental toughness because it provides the foundation for doing. Here’s what I mean: