What An Ancient Psychopath Can Teach Us About Personal Change
Once upon a time there was a family member who refused to attend a holiday dinner because another family member voted for the political opponent they were staunchly against.
Personally, I cannot think of a more selfish act than to prioritize one’s political ideology above the fabric of family.
Calling other people “garbage” or “vile” simply because they voted for someone you dislike undermines the very cooperation that a healthy family thrives upon, let alone a democracy. It is grandiosity at its worst and only sews the very isolationism and individualism such a person claims to oppose.
Yes, I get it:
You’re angry the election didn’t turn out how you wanted it to.
You see the President-elect as “vile” and believe anybody who voted for him must therefore be vile, too.
You resent the people—friends, colleagues, family members, society—who voted for him.
You can’t fathom why most of the country voted for someone you’re vehemently against.
You’re shocked that the election wasn’t just a win for republicans, but an annihilation of the democrats.
You’re scared that the country will devolve into fascism because “clearly” the President-elect is racist, prejudiced, fascist, or any litany of BS labels assigned to him by haters—likely the same people who preach “unity.”
Well, you know what? Quit making it about you. The problem here is that you think the problem is out there. But it’s not. The problem isn’t “out there.” It hardly ever is. The problem isn’t the President-elect. It’s not America. It’s not Republicans or Democrats. The real problem is how you see the problem.
When I did my 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat, an “old” student shared something with me that his teacher told him, which I found invaluable. He told me that during his first retreat he was having difficulty meditating in the larger group sittings because people were moving around, farting, making noises, and it was too distracting for him. His teacher told him that the problem wasn’t that it was too noisy for him to meditate, but that he expected meditation to be silent.
In other words, his focus was too much on the external world and not enough on the internal.
“The moment in front of you is not bothering you. You are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you.” – Michael Singer, Living Untethered
The Story of Angulimala
Angulimala was a notorious murderer who lived during the time of the Buddha. Being the psychopath he was, Angulimala vowed to kill a thousand people before he died. To record the number of victims, he severed a finger from each of his victims and hung it around his neck, affectionately referring to it as “Finger-Garland.”
Angulimala’s notoriety grew to the point that everybody feared him. They were scared to leave their houses, so the king realized he needed to capture him. Upon hearing the news of the king’s proclamation, Angulimala’s mother went out in search of her son to warn him. By this time, Angulimala was at 999 killings. He only needed one more finger to fulfill his vow.
The Buddha was staying nearby (of course he was) and learned of Angulimala’s mother’s intent. Worried that Angulimala would kill his mother to achieve his thousandth trophy, the Buddha went in search of the young man himself.
Angulimala decided he would kill the next person he met. While atop a mountain, he looked down and saw a woman walking below. He descended, only to pause in his tracks and reply,” Uhhh…hi mom” (or something like that). Ready to kill his mom(!), he took a step forward, only to be distracted by another figure on the path. The Buddha! Angulimala chose not to kill his mom and instead went after the Buddha (thank you Attachment theory) with his knife raised. Although the Buddha didn’t know any MBC at the time, he kept moving out of this crazed lunatic’s reach. No matter what Angulimala did, he could not catch up to the Buddha. Finally, he shouted, “Stop! Stop!”
The Buddha replied, “I have stopped. It is you who has not stopped.”
Angulimala didn’t understand. He asked, “Why do you say that you have stopped while I have not?”
The Buddha replied, “I say that I have stopped because I have given up killing all beings. I have given up ill-treating or harming all living beings. I have cultivated love and patience through meditation. But you…you have not given up killing or ill-treating others, and you have not cultivated love and patience. Therefore, you are the one who has not stopped.”
These words penetrated the fog created by Angulimala’s angry state. He felt calm and thought to himself, “This is one smart mofo. Anybody this smart must be the Buddha himself.” And then it dawned on him…
"Holy crap,” he thought, “the Buddha has come to save me from me!” Angulimala dropped his weapons and asked the Buddha to teach him meditation and wisdom, to which the Buddha agreed (of course he did, he’s the Buddha).
The king eventually came for Angulimala but found him meditating with the Buddha. Since the Buddha had a little bit of clout, the king agreed to forego Angulimala’s capture.
Angulimala intensely practiced meditation and the discipline of moral conduct, or sīla, which in Buddhism consists of Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood from the Noble Eightfold Path. Still, Angulimala had no peace of mind and kept ruminating over his past. Whenever he went out in public, people attacked him for his past actions. His feelings of guilt never went away and he began to think that he was a horrible person, that he would never find peace or happiness no matter how hard he tried.
The Buddha being the Buddha gently reminded Angulimala, “My son, you have stopped doing evil but are still suffering the consequences of your past actions. Have patience. Everyone can change for the better, no matter what they have done. No one is too bad to change, and you have changed. It doesn’t matter whether people realize it or not. Keep practicing your meditation patiently.”
Then, one morning Angulimala was in the streets and heard someone crying in pain, only to discover a woman suffering the agonies of childbirth. He stopped and thought to himself, “All human beings suffer” and began feeling deep compassion for this woman and all the people he had harmed, as well as for himself and all living beings.
These feelings of compassion and kindness calmed his mind and helped him develop more laser-like concentration and patience. In turn, this new ninja-level of focus and patience helped him develop even more love and compassion for all living beings, which subsequently compelled him to devote more of himself to helping others.
Angulimala lived happily ever after from then on (is there any other ending to a story?). And when people heard about his personal change, they asked the Buddha, “Is this true? Can someone who has killed so many people ever really learn to concentrate and calm his mind? Can he really have a peaceful and balanced mind? Is it possible for him to live a good life after all he has done?”
The Buddha answered, “Yes. He harmed so many people because his mind was overwhelmed with hurt and anger. He had been badly harmed himself. Later, he listened to good advice, he meditated, and his mind became strong and healthy.”
Moral of the Story
Don’t kill mom. That’s the first lesson ;). The second, and perhaps main takeaway as it pertains to having different opinions on the election (or anything else, for that matter), is not so much that people are evil, but that evil actions spring up out of greed, ignorance, and fear—for everybody.
At times humans commit acts worthy of being deemed “evil,” but this isn’t because they’re demonic beings. Granted, some people just need to go away and try again in the next life. But for many “evildoers” their greed, ignorance, and fear get the better of them for the moment. Their minds haven’t developed enough strength of focus to combat the acting out of greed, ignorance, or fear. What do we do when we see someone else acting out of these defilements? We do the only thing we can do: accept we are not in control of their actions and be the change we want to see. You can try all you want to change them, but in the end you realize that such efforts are rooted in ignorance and only create further misery for yourself. Like a child screaming his face off in a tantrum, screaming back only models the wrong way to respond to stress.
If you want to overcome division, be the one to unite.
If you’re tired of the name calling, stop labeling others. Give compliments.
If you’re disgusted with the other side’s values, be the leader of your own.
Greed can be overcome; ignorance can be enlightened; fear can be tamed. There is always a path out of darkness.
No matter what someone may have done in the past, developing strength of mind—mindfulness and concentration—will help. Can you think of any reason why you would not want to be more mindful or be able to concentrate more strongly? Me neither. They are powerful tools for gaining real peace of mind and cultivating kindness and compassion for others, no matter who they voted for.