PAT Interview #3: Psychedelics Showed Me My Generational Trauma

This is the third article in a series of interviews with people who’ve undergone psychedelic therapy. You can read the first interview here and the second interview here. Today I’m interviewing Sonny (not his real name), a military veteran.

Jeff: Sonny, thanks for doing this.

Sonny: You bet man.

J: So tell us about your background, what compelled you to do psychedelic medicine, and why you agreed to do this interview.

S: Oh boy, that’s a lot. Ok, well for starters, I was a SEAL for 15 years, as you know. We did a lot of cool things and, well, other things not so cool. But I got to the point at 15 years that I simply could not go on anymore. I was bitter, angry, and I lost the fire in the gut. So I did a med board and opted for a medsep [medical separation].

Like most guys I tried my version of healing, which basically consisted of ambien, booze, and chicks—sometimes all together, sometimes not. When I realized I was only digging myself into a deeper hole—that’s part pun, part not—I reached out to a friend who had done it (psychedelic medicine) and basically said, hook me up.

And as far as the interview goes, I feel like there are two types of people who come out on the other side of the medicine. There are people who don’t want to tell anyone what they did, and there are people who want to rip their shirt apart like Superman and scream to the world “Psychedelics changed my life!” I’m in the camp with Clark Kent.

J: You’re not gonna take your shirt off, are you? That would be weird.

S: Lol. No, but I am gonna share how important these medicines are.

J: Fair enough, I can take that. So, tell me about your experience.

S: Well, I flew down to Mexico for a psilocybin/5MeO-DMT protocol. I had done both before so they weren’t anything new. I was looking forward to the 5MeO because, well, there’s just no way to describe it other than amazing. Mushrooms I had done before a couple times before in clinical settings. The first time they were life changing, the second time was more like, “Eh.” Not so much. So I really didn’t know what to expect this go around.

J: What did you find?

S: Jeff, I saw shit that absolutely f-ing terrified me. I mean, I was terrified. I’ve never been so scared in my life. That’s what these medicines do. They take your worst fears, your biggest traumas, and shove them right in your face so you can’t turn away from them and they force you to look them in the eye. Well, what came to me during my experience was intergenerational trauma that was passed down to me from my father’s side.

J: Wow. I know trauma can be passed on up to seven generations.

S: Right, exactly. This was trauma that wasn’t technically mine but I was—and had been—dealing with it all my life, I just had no idea. What I realized was that there was sexual abuse on my father’s side—my father, actually—and it explained why he carried around so much anger for so long. When I saw that, this enormous sense of compassion came over me for my father. I just felt so bad for him because this wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything wrong but when you’re a kid, you think everything is your fault and then you grow up with that wound.

J: Right, it’s the wound of shame.

S: Yes, exactly. Well, what I realized was that this trauma was holding me back in ways I didn’t realize. So, I have two daughters—10 and six. When my oldest chose me as her father—this is gonna sound wild but just stick with me—she did so because I promised her I would not pass on this generational trauma on to her. This is known as a contract for creation in the spiritual world. I know, just listen. Our contract was in November of 2013. She was born in September 2014—roughly 10 months later. But now the problem for me was this. All that sexual trauma that was inside of me had to come out, and it did so through my behavior. I was literally acting it out of me by doing things that I don’t care to share. And once I did, I never did them again. In fact, just the thought of those past behaviors makes me sick.

J: Wow, that’s incredible.

S: It is, it really is. It’s just so beautiful to have this level of insight. You cannot get this from traditional therapy. You just can’t.

J: So, that was your mushroom experience?

S: Yes. And there was more, I mean, the whole thing lasted about seven hours but the generational trauma was the big one. That was a gut wrenching experience. But the next day I did 5MeO and I had quite a different experience this time compared to other times.

J: What happened?

S: Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened. No ego dissolution, no “oneness.” Nothing. But, the medicine gives you what you need, so what I took away from that wasn’t that it gave me nothing, but that it gave me presence. It was telling me I needed to be more present with myself and with others. “Nothing” still means something, right? I got stillness, silence, emptiness, which were completely different from my previous 5MeO experiences. Why was it different this time? It just was.

J: Very cool. It’s so wild to hear all these different experiences from folks. It sounds like you got what you needed, though.

S: I did, I definitely did. It was truly amazing.

J: Awesome. Well, is there anything you’d like readers to know before we go?

S: No, nothing more than what we talked about. I mean, I’m doing this interview just to highlight the healing power of these medicines because I know there are still a lot of people out there with their own biased opinions that think these are just drugs, or something else equally ignorant. They just don’t know. They don’t know. The only way they can know is if they do it themselves and let experience be their guide. But we know that’ll never happen and so we’ll keep spinning on this he said/she said crap while people out there like me legitimately need help. Mental health is just so broken in the US and so I wouldn’t be doing my part if I didn’t speak out about it. That’s all.

J: Well said. Sonny, thank you for your time and your service.

S: Likewise, Jeff. Thank you for yours.